Sojourn
by pebblez
Summary: Harry and Sirius meet up after Sirius dies and disappears behind the veil. Happens within a few seconds of his death.


_Hi guys. This is my first short story on the HP forum, set in OoTP. This scene follows Sirius' death in the book, and is a layover between his death and Harry's reaction to it, happening within his thoughts. Read on to find out more._

 _Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Harry Potter world, and all characters and storylines belong to the amazing JK ROWLING_

 _Reviews are more than welcome!_

The sharp rays of light blinded his eyes, forcing him to close his eyes painfully, the light seeping through under his eyelids, encompassing his vision into red streaks. The noise around him seemed to have settled into deafening silence, as if all the motion had stopped the moment his godfather had disappeared behind that mysterious veil. Was it just a second ago that he had seen him disappear behind it, the shadow of a laugh still echoing on his face, or had it been years since Harry had stood there, waiting for him to reappear? He could appreciate the stitch in his side every time he took a breath, which seemed to leave his chest even more constricted than the previous one. Despite the fear of getting blinded by the glaring light, he opened his eyes again, expecting the scene of the fighting to resume; to see Dumbledore shower his wrath on the Death Eaters, to see the victorious smirk on Bellatrix's face and to see Neville slip down a few more steps, to feel Lupin's arms tightly wound around his chest, telling him to stop. But none of it resumed. In stead, he was standing on the elevated dome in the middle of the room, still eerily silent, and there was no one around him. And in front of him was the veil, through which he could hear the whispers penetrating his mind, and he took a step forward in reflex, his mind racing with thoughts.

 _Where was everyone? Had the duel finished, and he had been standing here for so long that he had lost track of time and the fight? And maybe everyone had left him there to grieve for Sirius?Where were Ron and Hermione?_

His chest constricted painfully at the thought that his two best friends were in danger too. _Not them too, please, not Ron and Hermione. Please let them be safe.._

He looked at the veil again and hot angry tears streamed down his face as he thought of Sirius, and it seemed like his heart was going to burst at the agony of his loss. _Not right now,_ he admonished himself, _You can't lose control right now. You cane think about..him, later. You need to find Ron and Hermione right now._

Harry tore his eyes away from the enticing veil and taking a few deep breaths to calm down his senses, turned around to walk away. His eyes set on the steps in front of him, and he started walking towards them, forcing himself to think of only his friends, whose lives were in danger yet again, because of him. The guilt engulfed him and he wasn't aware of the tears falling from his eyes as he raced towards the stairs, trying to figure out where everyone was the last time he saw them. His scar was prickling again and the various gashes and bruises on his body were beginning to hurt as well, but he didn't want to acknowledge any of them right now. _There will be time for that later,_ he thought and started walking up the steps.

But a voice penetrated through his foggy mind right then, and he stopped, his heart skipping many beats. He waited, believing it to be a hallucination and not having the courage to turn around.

" _Harry."_

There it was, again. He could have recognised that voice anywhere in the world, and it was the sudden conviction that it WAS who he thought it was, he whipped around so quickly he almost got dizzy and stared at the veil again. And his mouth hung open at the sight in front of him.

There, in front of him, resting his shoulder against the edge of the veil, a smile playing on his lips, stood Sirius. But was it really him? He didn't look as thin and frail as he had since the time Harry had known him. In fact, he looked much more like the pictures Harry had seen of him and his father at Grimmauld Place, the lines around his eyes no longer visible. There was no raw grief reflecting in his eyes anymore, and his face seemed fuller, his hair longer and thicker, the remnants of the scars on his body no more present. It was as if the years had fallen off of Sirius in the mere seconds he had disappeared behind the veil for.

Harry's feet carried him towards the veil at a speed he was unaware of having until now, his heart pounding as a feeling of disbelief and relief washed over him simultaneously.

" _Sirius! I knew it..you are alright. Oh thank God you are alright…"_ Harry leaped through the dome towards him, coming to a halt as he stood in front of Sirius, who smiled and winked at Harry in response.

 _"Scared you there, didn't I?"_

 _"Understatement of the year. Now I know what kind of a pain you would have been to Dad."_ Harry shook his head menacingly at him.

Sirius grinned back and then rose a hand to clean the tears mixed with grime on Harry's face, his eyes reflecting grief for a mere second as he wiped away his tears. Harry's eyes closed in relief at his touch, that meant he was really alive. And the fear that he was actually gone and this was just some hallucination went away as Sirius retreated his hand and cocking an eyebrow, said, " _Come on, you have to have more faith than that in me. I wasn't going to leave you behind without a final word, eh?"_

Harry's eyebrows knitted together in confusion at his statement, and then it hit him again. Sirius looked younger, as handsome as he had in Snape's memories, back when he hadn't been haunted by what the future had held for him. And it wasn't unheard of in the magical world for people to come back to tie the loose loops up after death, for the peace of mind of those they left behind. The painful constriction in his chest was back and Harry found himself mumbling, " _Does that mean that you are.."_

He couldn't bring himself to say the word and Sirius smiled, this time ruefully as he replied, " _Dead? Yes, Harry. I am. Gone forever? I don't think so."_

He affectionately rose a hand and ruffled Harry's already disheveled hair as the teenager's face expressed even more confusion than before. Sirius sighed and pointed towards the veil. " _That veil. It let's you..contact people of the living world once you are dead. It's like a veil between the living and the dead, and only let's you cross the barrier for those who really need it. Like you."_

Sirius put a hand on Harry's shoulder whose body slumped with exhaustion and disbelief as the former began to walk him towards the steps, pulling him along with him, talking all the while. _"There are some things I have always wanted to talk to you about, but never really got the chance. What with you wanting to save the Wizarding world while guys your age are trying to get into a girl's pants. I had to have the most boringly ambitious godson in the world. Tch!"_

Harry stared at him disbelievingly as Sirius snickered, pulling Harry down to sit beside him on the steps. _Was he really making jokes while Harry here was trying to deal with his sudden demise?_ Anger boiled inside Harry, mixed with guilt and the incredulousness of it all, and he yanked his shoulder away from Sirius and standing up, his voice unbelievably loud as he yelled,

" _WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU JUST DIED, AT THE HANDS OF BELLATRIX LESTRANGE, I SAW YOU FALL BEHIND THE VEIL AND I AM STILL…COMING TO TERMS WITH YOUR DEATH AND YOUR GHOST..OR WHATEVER YOU ARE..YOU ARE SITTING THERE MAKING JOKES?"_

Sirius rubbed his hands on his face and stood up, taking a step towards Harry who stepped back. He sighed resignedly and said in a low voice, "Harry. Listen to me."

" _NO! YOU LISTEN TO ME. YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DIE. YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO…AND YOU DIED BECAUSE OF MY STUPIDITY. I LET HIM MANIPULATE MY MIND AND NOW YOU ARE GONE AND THERE'S NOBODY LEFT SIRIUS.." his voice was now breaking and his speech becoming incoherent as he began to pace to and fro, venting out all the feelings he had felt since eons. "YOU WERE MY GODFATHER. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF ME. I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LEFT ALONE WITH THE DURSLEY'S, WHO HAVE TREATED ME WORSE THAN AN ANIMAL ALL THESE YEARS. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF ME SIRIUS. AND WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO? YOU PUT YOUR RAGE BEFORE MY NEEDS, YOU WENT AND BLEW UP PETTIGREW AND THE ENTIRE VILLAGE AND I WAS LEFT ALONE AGAIN! AND NOW FINALLY, WHEN I HAD THE CHOICE AT HAVING A FAMILY, YOU DIED TOO. BECAUSE OF ME.."_

Sirius walked towards Harry, alarmed at the rage bellowing from Harry as tears spilled down the latter's cheeks, his voice echoing off the walls of the room. Harry's knees gave way and he broke down, settling down on the ground as his words dissipated into sobs, and he was crying. Crying for his mother, for his father, for Cedric Diggory, for Sirius, and for all the people who had been part of the misery his life was. For Ron and Hermione, who had become part of it all just because he had been their friend, for Mr. Weasley who had been attacked for no reason. And for himself, for all his losses and miseries, and for being who was; he cried.

Sirius knelt down in front of Harry and a paternal instinct took over him as in a rare show of emotion, he put his arms around Harry and rocked him lightly as he sobbed, finally venting out for all the years he had held it all in. He stroked the back of Harry's neck, trying to settle the strands of hair standing up on end and failed at it, reminding him of James again. As he felt Harry's sobs subside slightly, he withdrew from him and holding his face up, said, " _I am sorry, Harry. I am sorry for leaving you alone, for not being able to protect you the way James and Lily would have wanted me to take care of their son. I let my anger get the better of me back then, and today as well. I wanted to protect you, and maybe my callousness is what got you to.."_

He was interrupted in between as Harry looked up, raw grief reflecting in his eyes as his voice broke and he said, " _I tried to look for you, Sirius. I tried the Floo Network and talked to Kreacher and..Umbridge..and then I.."_

 _"I know, Harry. I know. It's alright. I don't blame you, and neither would anyone else. Most importantly, you shouldn't either. I always wanted to protect you Harry. You were as much a son to me as to James, and I did what I thought was reasonable. I know I am gone but..,"_ Harry pulled his face away from his hands, shaking his head, not ready to face the truth but Sirius held him around the nape of his neck and enforced _, "No. Listen to me. You have to listen. I know it's painful to hear but your parents are gone, and now, so am I. But that doesn't mean you aren't loved or taken care of. We are all looking over you, Harry. And we want you to know that you have been incredibly brave, and you know what? You can give up, and walk through that veil there,"_ he pointed towards the veil and looked at Harry, who was now listening intently, _"And be with all of us forever. Or you can walk on through that door,"_ he pointed towards the exit of the door and continued _, "And be with Ron and Hermione, and all your friends, all the people who are relying on you to fight for them. And I promise you Harry, you will have a family one day. A wonderful, beautiful family and you will finally know what it means to be ready to die for someone you love. When you have kids, you will know. I know this is what James would have wanted to say to it if he would have had the chance. We never got to live a life we wanted to, Harry, because we always lived in fear. But nothing would mean more to any of us than to see you happy, living the life we couldn't."_

Harry hung his head low and silent tears poured over his face and as he looked up, he saw tears reflecting in Sirius' eyes as well. Gulping to rid himself of the lump in his throat, Sirius continued, " _I know you have heard it from many that you resemble your father. But I knew James better than anyone else and he never had your courage, Harry. He was a wonderful father and an even better husband but he was too scared to lose either of you. He had fear. And you, Harry, have dealt with fear and been on the winning end ever since you have been an eleven year old. And Lily? She died for you out of maternal love, but I have known her to hold grudges which is a trait I haven't found in you. You have the ability to forgive Harry, and that, my boy, is a quality found in very few people. So you will go far ahead of what James or Lily were ever able to do. I have always had faith in you Harry, and I need you to know that you will perhaps always be traumatised by the losses you have faced in life. But you can not give up Harry, not now. Do it, for me, and for my best friends who laid down their lives for you."_

Harry looked up at him again and sighed, his tears drying up as Sirius' words sank in. He nodded slowly, the sense of reality seeping in as his thoughts were infiltrated by thoughts of his friends and looked back towards the door, tearing his eyes away from Sirius. He looked back at Sirius within a second, his eyes betraying his concerns and Sirius smiled despite himself.

" _There you go. You already know what to do. You have been lucky to find friends like Ron and Hermione, like I was lucky all those years ago to find James and Remus. Go ahead now, Harry, and don't wait here for me. Just know that anytime you want me, just use the mirror I gave you. And we can talk. So in reality, I am never gone."_

Harry gazed at him, trying to store all the tiny details of his godfather in his memory as he said a final goodbye. Sirius smiled and stood up, ruffling Harry's hair as he began to slowly walk towards the veil.

 _"Go on now. You don't want to be late. And I will let James and Lily know that their son is doing better than they could ever have expected."_

Harry nodded and with sudden clarity, stood up and waited for Sirius to disappear behind the veil again, so he could let the tiny pounding in heart rest and turn towards the door to leave. As Sirius reached the veil, he turned and winking at Harry, said _, "Oh, and Harry? If you don't name one of your kids after me, you better be expecting a good beating once you cross the veil finally. Just saying."_

Harry grinned in spite of himself and rose a hand to wave at Sirius, as if he was waving at him from the Hogwarts Express, ready to see him again during Christmas break and saying good bye for the last time. He closed his eyes to store the final image of a happy Sirius walking through the veil, at peace at last.

Harry's eyes opened in response to the shouts echoing around the room, and he felt Lupin's arms around his chest, Dumbledore's voice echoing off the walls as he sent spell after spell at the Death Eaters, and his eyes set on Bellatrix winking menacingly at him and whipping around the door of the room. And all thoughts escaped him as he ran after her, Lupin's yells trailing behind him, as the memory of Sirius' smiling face swam into his view and all coherent thought left him.

And he was off, scrambling up the stone benches. People were shouting behind him but he did not care. The hem of Bellatrix's robes whipped out of sight ahead and they were back in the room where the brains were swimming...

 _The last two lines are from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, page no 809._


End file.
